O Man

So I'm struggling to pay rent, what with the economy so low and all. I mean, the U.S. is slipping, meaning so is Canada. For fuck's sake, did you hear that they now have a black president? Fuck. He's gonna blow the budget on bling. Plus, he's probably an angry guy. I've met a lot of angry black guys. Something about racism, slavery and something called apartheid or whatever. Get over it!

So with the economy so fucked right now, I have thought of an idea. Not that new, but pretty easy. I'm going to start a cult.

But this isn't just any old cult. This is MY cult. And that means that it has to be extra special. So, I think I'll start by making people feel special. Like they deserve stuff for nothing. Maybe, I'll just get a bunch in a studio audience and give them away free shit. Like, under their chairs, for example. And I'll convince them my opinions on things like it is the ONLY opinion that matters. On, like, a daytime TV show. I'll raise money by.... ummmmmm.... O! A magazine! I will slowly take control of a small group of people, until I slowly have a whole target demographic in my clutch. Say, middle aged women, for example. So, how will I keep these people from finding out they're being brainwashed? By a bunch of shows with like minded narrow views. I'm thinking of a psychologist with a Texan accent.

Until next time (give me 5 minutes)